By Daz on Friday, June 14, 2002 - 08:27 am:

A bit old now, but still SO funny...


Feeling bored in the office? Looking for something new and
exciting to do? Why not initiate an office dare system - however to do it
properly only you are allowed to know the dare. Sound confusing? Well
read
on..........
ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one
other
'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
3) Ignore the first five people who say 'good
morning'to you.
4) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave
your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
5) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your
hands over your ears and grimace.
6) When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it,
and whisper
huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".
7) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone
points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
8) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9) While riding an lift, gasp dramatically every time
the doors open.

THREE-POINTS DARES
1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him
with
double-barrelled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then
ask,"Did you get all
that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise
your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink
directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it
would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem
(extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they
watch you
with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as
'Bob".
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really
have to go do a
number two".
5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad
Jamaican accent. As in" the report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for
one hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into
the lift.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your
forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just
shut

up!".
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce,
"As God is my
witness, I'll never go hungry again".
9) In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I
look in tights".
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask
"You wanna
trade?".
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the
same person:
"Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why,
say, "I can't
talk about it".
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him
he's won a
lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig,
etc) during a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your
desk.
16) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the
back of your
pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and
biscuit, smash
each biscuit with your fist.
18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your
chair towards the door.
19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each
meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their
real-life
counterparts.And if that wasn't enough for you...
1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses
on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy,
we are going to have to let one of you go."
3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if
they want fries with that.
4) Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."
5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once
everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to
espresso.
7) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with
theprophecy."
8) Don't use any punctuation
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically
after they answer.
11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12) Sing along at the opera.
13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't
rhyme.
14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a
tape of jungle sounds all day.
15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't
attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling
name, Rock Hard.
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!
I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the
parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!" 

By Richandall on Monday, June 24, 2002 - 07:23 am:

Daz for once I DONT think thats funny Ive thought about this for 10 days 8 hours and 12 minutes without blinking including naps and in the lifts and hoped someone else would tell you this as i think you are a nice boy

we consider we are all perfectly normal people here in this office i think i speak for everyone and obviously youve been spying on us through our computers and windows and reporting everything we do and think and say and then writing it up on the internet and its GOT to STOP

especially the bit about the bog paper hanging out behind which we think is healthy and normal actually and shows how often you use the office facilities rather than just go in your pants like everyone else obviously

especially those gander bangers and you know who i mean

i hope you are repenting now of your wickedness and not mixing with those false prophets of the Yellow Bike who ride about on yellow bikes and utter falsehoods about the NIRVANA experience they PRETEND is always happening even when its not and eat raw nuts and berries with or without added e numbers and drink from mugs with I am not a number I am a human being on

for it is probably written that they shall be smitten from their false ways in a mighty smite and be OFFED from their falsely coloured ride and onto the black tarmac verily and hurled to the ground in a great arsewiping moment and it will be revealed soon probably in a book or tract somewhere and written very small on the bogroll paper that also hangs out from behind


OK? Just thought I'd share that moment. Going on alright then? What's new?

- Rich

 

By Diablo_Mille_R on Monday, June 24, 2002 - 11:20 pm:

Been drinking brake cleaner again Rich.....? 

By Richandall on Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 04:09 am:

Actually Rich it's something in the air. Apparently the locals have been behaving rather oddly since Sizewell A went off a bit. We're all better now, since you ask, having gone back to that potato wine (lightly laced with brake fluid) to keep that there raydier-hactivity away.

- Rich



 

By Crmc33 on Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 04:16 am:

I have. Its especially nice with a dash of petrol on a sesame seed covered brake pad